Dean and Gabriel Vs Two Blond Sluts
by FallonSong
Summary: A day at the beach. Perfectly ruined, all thanks to the two blond sluts. Destiel and Sabriel. Crack. Fluff. Randomness. I really don't know.


**A/N: **This is the last one-shot for a week or so. Maybe. I' ready to start a chapter fic for Destiel, which will be rather dark and dramatic. With that being decided, I wrote this story as lighthearted as possible, and I must say I don't really like it.

I wasn't even going to publish, but Briana told me that readers would like it, even if it wasn't good by my usual standards. I hope she is right.

Also, thank you, Chelsy, for informing my about dissolvable bathing suit stitching.

Review if you feel it.

Enjoy.

* * *

><p>"It will be fun."<p>

Those were Gabriel's words, and they could not have been more of a lie. At least, towards the beginning. It all started after a particularly grueling hunt for a vampire coven. They had managed to kill the majority, but they were in too bad of shape to chase after the rest of them, and thus were forced to retire to their weekly crappy motel to recover.

It had been marked as a defeat, which made Dean angry and turn to drinking, Sam turn to his laptop to look at God knows what, and Castiel sit stoically in a chair, eyes gazing off into the distance. He was probably listening to angel radio, because his head turned a split second before Dean and Sam's as Gabriel burst into the room.

"Helloooo boys! Man you look run down."

Castiel frowned, sharing an uneasy glance with Dean. Since Gabriel had taken a liking to Sam, he showed up more and more, dragging him off into the late hours and leaving him distracted during hunts.

"I wouldn't let him get killed," Gabriel had said, rolling his eyes after Dean pointed out a tired hunter was a dead one.

"I apologize for my brother, Dean," Cas had said solemnly. He knew his apologies wouldn't do much; his older brother was a menace he had little control over. If he wanted to have some odd fling with Sam, he absolutely could not stop it.

Dean had been especially weird before, but he was slowly getting used to the idea of his brother making out with some arch angel that was probably falling from Heaven, because God knows this affair must be against standard rules.

"We lost," Sam explained, back in the present, his eyes turned down dejectedly. It was his ultra-sad puppy face, reserved only for getting Gabriel to do what he wanted.

Gabriel, of course, fell for it.

"I'm sorry, Kiddo," he said, moving to comfort Sam in a very un-Gabriel manner. He pondered for a moment before clapping his hands excitedly.

"I know! We could all use a vacation. It will be fun!"

Dean and Castiel didn't even have time to share a panicked look before they were all transported to a random and far fancier hotel that had floor to ceiling windows that revealed a giant ocean view. People frolicked and squealed outside and the Winchesters, along with their angel counterparts, were close enough to hear them. The beach couldn't have been more than two hundred yards from the window.

"Gabe, this is amazing," Sam gasped, rushing forward to admire the view.

"I know," the arch angel smirked, pleased that he could lift their spirits. Well, mainly Sam's, but he supposed his little brother and his boyfriend mattered too.

"Maybe you guys should shower," he suggested. "You're all covered in blood and frankly, you reek. Even you, angel," he added as Sam looked at him in disbelief.

Sam sniffed his shirt self-consciously, feeling silly because of course he stunk. He had been rolling around with vampires half the night.

Dean and Castiel showered together, something that had nearly made Sam lose his lunch the first time he realized what they were doing.

However, he was used to their couple manner. Since Castiel was determined to live a life with Dean, he had taken more and more to doing unnecessary human tasks just so he could stay on the same track as his boyfriend.

It was not like Dean to let someone have such a firm place in his life, but Castiel had snuck up on him. Sam knew they were in love, whether or not either one of them would admit to it. So he let them do what they wanted, even if it freaked him out.

When they came out, laughing and smelling of whatever fifty dollar soap the room held, Sam almost felt jealous. He wanted him and Gabriel to have fun like that, but the trickster was in and out so often they hardly had these domestic moments.

Meeting his eyes, Sam nodded toward the bathroom, almost feeling foolish. Gabriel, however, understood immediately and wiggled his eyebrows.

As Sam moved to get in the shower, Dean grabbed Gabriel by the jacket.

"No way. You don't need a shower. Especially not with my little brother."

Gabriel stuck his lip out, attempting his own Sam style pout.

"But I let you take one with MY little brother. Besides, you can't stop me."

Dean rolled his eyes and nodded at Castiel.

"He might could."

Gabriel laughed, winking at Sam, who was hovering in the doorway of the bathroom, wondering if it was worth the battle.

He decided they were wasting daylight and Gabriel could always pop in if he could get away from Castiel and his brother.

"What are you going to do?" he heard Gabriel demand as he turned on the water. "Sit on me?"

Sam opened the door ten minutes later to find Castiel and Dean sitting on Gabriel, who looked genuinely surprised they had actually gone through with it.

"Um…so let's hit the beach?" he suggested innocently, before Gabriel did something foolish, like attempted murder.

The beach, however, would only serve to present more problems.

It all started with that blond slut and her sister, who hovered over Castiel and Sam from the moment they saw them. Perhaps the boys just appeared to be a group of friends enjoying the waves, because the blonds were very firm in their tactics.

Maybe if Dean hadn't insisted on Castiel wearing those swim trunks, they wouldn't be in this predicament. He probably should have just let him wear his suit and trench coat like he wanted.

It had taken a good five minutes to convince Castiel to change into them, and as he did, Dean felt possessive. He would surely attract a lot of attention like this.

"I thought I was only supposed to wear minimal clothing around you," he whispered to him, frowning and poking at his toned stomach.

"It's okay, Cas. You aren't supposed to wear very much on the beach."

Though deep down, he was thinking it was not okay.

He left him alone for five minutes to get them ice cream, hoping that Sam and Gabriel would be watching over Castiel. Instead, he returned to find one of the blond sluts hovering over him, boobs popping out of her bikini and a perfectly naughty grin on her tanned face.

The scowl on his face deepened as he spotted Sam and Gabriel, frolicking in the water as another blond swam nearby, eyes fixated on Sam's back.

Why did he think he could trust them?

"Hey," he snapped at the girl who was wearing a much too small top. "Beat it."

She didn't seem to get the picture, because she only put her hands on her hips and smirked at him.

"My name is Riley, and no way. Your friend is way too cute. Mind if I borrow him?"

Dean blinked, at a loss for words. He may still be in the slightest bit of denial about his sexuality, but damn, how did he ever put up with girls?

"He's with me," he enunciated slowly, eyes flickering to Castiel, who had no idea what was happening besides the fact that Dean was upset.

"Whatever," the girl huffed. She winked at Castiel before running off to join the other blond girl who had been eying Sam.

"I can't leave you alone for a minute, can I, Cas?" Dean growled.

"Have I done something wrong?" he asked, puzzled.

Dean attempted to hold onto his anger, but the sight of Cas in his checkered swim trunks and his eyes wide with confusion unwound the knot in his stomach.

"'No. Not at all. Here's your ice cream."

Meanwhile, Sam was stuck watching Gabriel's face grow more and more pissed as Sam's not-so-secret admirer circled them.

"Surely she knows I'm gay?" Sam asked, watching her from the corner of his eye. "I mean, I'm skipping around in the water with you, holding your hand. Can we be any more obvious?"

Gabriel shrugged, uncharacteristically quiet. He saw Dean out in the sand, another blond girl hovering over Castiel. A quick assessment told him they were sisters, and her name was Riley. Maybe he was losing a teeny bit of his power, but he could still read into people's souls with no problem.

"I'll be back," he muttered, ducking under water.

"Gabriel?" Sam asked, gazing down at the water. His boyfriend had vanished, to God knows where, and the blond shark was closing in.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath.

"Hi, I'm Macy," she chirped, splashing happily over.

"Uh. Sam."

She ran her fingers down his arm, smiling wickedly. It was the same smile her sister had used on Castiel, but Sam didn't know that. All he knew was that his boyfriend had flown off somewhere and left him, marooned with some blond chick that was going to rape him if he didn't do something, quick.

"Dean."

Dean jumped as Gabriel appeared behind him and Cas, crouching low as if he were hiding.

"We have a problem," he whispered in Dean's ear.

"I'm aware," he growled back, turning his glare to blond sister number one, who was performing erotic yoga stretches just a few feet in front of them.

She licked her lips when her gaze met Castiel's.

"Dean? Am I going to be raped?" he murmured, thoughts running the same course as Sam's.

"Not a chance. Wait right here and don't make any eye contact, okay?"

He put his head down obediently, which was so adorable that Dean felt torn leaving him.

However, Gabriel seemed to have an idea and it was welcomed.

"Why don't I play a little trick on Macy and Riley?"

"Please," Dean growled, springing up as Riley advanced on Castiel, who kept his head down resolutely.

"Hey! Scram," he yelled at her.

She wrinkled her noise, but obeyed.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked Gabriel.

He was watching Sam, who had spotted him and was stomping across the sand, Macy at his heels, giggling as if she were playing some kind of game.

"I'm going to play a few tricks."

Dean blinked, and he was gone.

"Where did he go?" Sam sputtered angrily, reaching his brother's side. Macy latched onto him like a leech, giggling as if she and Sam were in a long committed relationship.

"I don't know!" Dean cried, throwing his hands up.

"Dude."

Sam angled his head sideways, towards Castiel.

Dean whipped his head around, thinking he was going to be upset with what he saw. Instead, he was furious. Riley was sitting in Castiel's lap, whispering something in his ear while playing with his hair.

Dean stomped over, eyes blazing. He usually was not forceful with a girl, but he did not hesitate to physically remove her body from Castiel, who still had his head cast downward.

"Listen, whatever your name is, he's mine? Okay? MINE!"

The girl's eye twitched, like she didn't quite comprehend what he was saying.

"So you're…together?"

"Yes," Dean growled.

She opened her mouth and closed it several times, but said nothing as she walked away quickly.

"Wow, Dean," Sam said, catching up. His leech was gone, off to comfort her sister.

"What?" his brother snapped.

"You are really jealous."

"I am not! Cas, you can lift your head up now," he said.

Castiel raised his head gratefully, eyes wide with fright.

"She is terrifying, Dean."

"Where did Gabriel go?" Sam demanded, stomping his foot, which caused Cas and Dean to laugh.

"Dunno. Want to sit with us?"

Dean made a point of grabbing Castiel romantically, pressing his boyfriend's face against his chest. Sam guessed Dean didn't want him to sit with them.

"Dean, I can't breathe," Castiel murmured.

"Do you need to?"

"No."

Sam rolled his eyes, turning to scan the beach for Gabriel. Had one of the blond girls come after him? The thought made his heart beat faster with the urgency to find him.

Leaving Cas and Dean to whatever the hell they were doing, he jogged off, eyes scanning the crowds of people.

"Gabriel!" he called desperately.

"Yeah, babe?"

Sam jerked to a halt, nearly slipping in sand in his haste to turn towards the voice. Gabriel reached out to steady him, a smirk on his face.

"Did you just call me babe?" Sam asked, panting.

"Guilty."

Sam blinked, his face breaking into a slightly lopsided smile.

"I think I like that better than angel. Shouldn't that be what I call you?"

Gabriel stepped back, unusually embarrassed.

"You can call me Loki…because I…uh…fell back into old habits…"

Sam grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders, forcing him to meet his eyes.

"Gabe, what did you do?"

He shrugged, refusing to meet Sam's eyes.

"I just…took care of those blond girls."

He waved absently towards the ocean, where Sam could identify the two sisters, shoulder deep in the water and wailing something at swimmers passing by.

"What did you do?" Sam attempted a stern tone, but he was secretly rather glad that they seemed so distressed.

"I gave them exploding ice cream. And threaded their bikinis with dissolvable stitches. No big deal. "

Sam opened and closed his mouth several times before truly comprehending, and when he did, he found it so hilarious that he doubled over cackling, clutching his sides.

Gabriel watched him for a moment before deciding to join him, because personally, he thought it was funny as well.

Cas and Dean drifted over, the latter carrying a shopping bag and looking particularly grumpy.

"Watcha got there, Deano?" Gabriel asked, poking at the bag.

Dean shrugged, avoiding their eyes, but Cas leaned forward, smiling.

"They are called airbrushed shirts. They feature mine and Dean's name in a heart, and they match perfectly."

Gabriel and Sam shared a look before Dean turned to his brother, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"I thought you hated that kind of stuff?"

Castiel's smile slid off his face slowly. Turning to Dean, he whispered, appearing very much so as a married couple about to argue, "You hate them?"

Dean flung his head up, shooting Sam a 'shut up' glare before turning to Castiel.

"No way! I love them. You must be confused, Sammy."

Sam took the hint.

Later, Sam headed home, hoping Gabriel would follow so they could have alone time, but his boyfriend blew him off, saying that he had something to do.

Sam left him alone, deciding it would be fun to explore their hotel room and maybe make it seem stayed in.

The particular task became boring faster than expected. After setting shoes and clothes in random spots, he decided to watch T.V., which became boring almost as fast as exploring had.

Where were the others?

Were Dean and Castiel having sex on the beach like he heard them planning? Did anyone ever help the blonds? Where the hell was his boyfriend?

"Sammy! Look what I got!"

Sam jumped, still unaccustomed to how Gabriel could simply appear. He was sitting beside him on their bed, which was a luxury considering their previous residents. They even had their own bedrooms.

"What is it?"

Gabriel tapped a shopping bag excitedly. Sam immediately knew what he had been doing, for the shopping bag was the exact same kind as Dean had been carrying around.

"Let me see!"

He snatched the bag happily, wondering what Gabe had gotten on theirs. His joy turned to confusion as he studied the back of the shirt. It featured their names, together obviously, but the background also sported a chocolate-colored moose.

"Really?"

Gabriel shrugged, a smile playing on his lips.

They were just leaning in for what could be a promising kiss when the door was kicked open, revealing Dean carrying Castiel on his back, who was grasping the shopping bag possessively.

"What are you two doing?" Sam asked, somewhat angry. Would they only get a chance tonight, when Dean and Cas were away banging on the beach?

"Cas got stung by a jellyfish," Dean muttered, a hint of worry in his voice, something Sam was very familiar with hearing.

"I need to go to the store and get something to put on it. Watch him, you guys. Soak the sting in water or something."

He rushed out, whipping out his cell phone. He was probably going to call ahead and have the medicine ready at the front. Love had made his brother insane.

"I'll go with him," Sam volunteered. He wanted to make sure his brother understood that he and Gabriel needed a lot of alone time.

"So, you and Sam purchased shirts as well?" Castiel asked his brother, rubbing his leg where the sting was.

"Yep. So what are you and Deano doing tonight?"

Castiel titled his head, as if he were really considering the question.

At last, he answered, "Each other. Multiple times, I hope."

The two angels faced off, each trying to keep their face straight the longest.

"Same for me and Sammy. I've learned some pretty wild sex positions over the years."

Their faces remained stoic for exactly six more seconds before they cracked up, laughing and imagining all the fun this vacation would be, though they would probably try to find a more private section of the beach.

Outside, Macy and Riley were still flailing in the water, naked and exceptionally embarrassed.


End file.
